Q&A: Alana Paterson


Make a prediction for the future. They start growing trees already in the shape of skateboards. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Probably patience, sometimes you gotta go get it. What is the quality you most like in a man? Hard work, practicality, common sense. What is your biggest regret? Being so stoned in university I cant remember all the stuff I learnt about lighting, photoshop and large format photography. Who are your favourite writers? American lit/ Russian lit/ German lit/ Steinbeck/ Melville/ Hersey/ Hemmingway/ Hesse/ Dostoyevsky/ Kipling.. he was english though. Summer or winter? Can’t have a rainbow without the rain- Dolly Parton. Create the name for a virus that will decimate the population. The internet. Would you like to see more or less political correctness? Less politics all together. If you had to align yourself with a leader in history, who would it be? Count Dracula. Pick a field of science to be an expert within. Botany.

What was the last crime you witnessed? I saw a car get lit on fire under the Williamsburg bridge a few weeks ago. What is the most amusing euphemism for sex or genitals? Hitting the bone yard? Is flirting a kind of cheating? No. Flirting is merely the insistence that life must go on and on and on. Who could possibly be so boring that they think flirting is cheating? What moment have you most wished you’d had a camera when you hadn’t? The last time Germ bum dropped off the big wall at Burnside. But its ok he does it all the time. Who would you never work for, no matter how much they offered to pay? Corporate farming companies. Describe a cheap thrill. Drunk driving on the farm where I work in the summers…hopefully my boss doesn’t read this some how. Name something that you would be willing to shorten your life by ten years to receive right now. A promise to live ten years longer.

Who would you most like to see embarrass themselves? Whoever is being a total dick head in your life right now. What is your nationality? I have Canadian and UK passports. What nationality would you like to be alternatively? Hmmmm plant? Can you think of an insult that would make you react in a violent way? In a violent way? my god. Probably not. What part of the planet would you like to explore? The Boreal Jungle in far East Russia. Where do you think the most dangerous place on Earth is? Probably the Boreal jungle in far east russia. No kidding probably any gang bar in any drug port shit town is worse. Have you recently been living by any life philosophy? I come leaving/ buy the ticket take the ride/ here today bong tomorrow etc. etc.  a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor if you want to get serious. Name an artist that is overrated. they don’t need any more attention. What is your plan for the next 24 hours? Well i gotta go get keys from this girls who house i’m dog sitting in. If it dries up I’ll go skate Tompkins. Get a tea at the punjabi spot. Drop off a pair of pants that need stitching in the crotch. Oh its friday. Go meet some people and cut a rug at speak easy on avenue C later? Be hung over the next day.

Alana Paterson –